fat kid on the block...

Man!  I am almost done with the Jamie Eason plan (you know, the 12 week one that has taken me almost 16...??) - just 2 workouts left!  I am getting back to taking some of the awesome cardio classes I used to take and I'm finding that I am so disappointed!!

Not in the classes, those are awesome as always. But in myself! My stamina is in the toilet, I feel like the fat kid in the room in all of them!  I know that I have surely "bulked up" a bit doing this plan but boy, I didn't think I would do it to the detriment of my cardio goals!   I went to my favorite cardio class this am and we did an easy ("easy") one mile run down and up hill.  You would have thought they asked me to run sprints for a half marathon I was so winded and spent! Last one back to the room, heart bursting through my chest, sweat pouring off of me....

I KNOW the lifting has been a great addition to my fitness routine, but now at the end of this plan, I JUST want my cardio back.  I love lifting, proud of myself for lifting heavier and heavier and even more proud of my tricep muscle that is present no matter what...  but now I need to get back to a place where I don't feel like an elephant when I run!!

Powering Through!

I had my pity party last Thursday.  I spent Friday with my kiddos. 

And just as I promised, I went to the gym and KILLED my shoulder workout on Saturday. 

Obviously the 75 calorie burn kind of dismays me, but I know I'm building muscle and burning more over the course of a day than if I wasn't focusing so much. 

Monday was chest/triceps and boy did it hurt my arm. But I powered through. I may look like a moron lifting 3lb dumbbells with my left arm and 25lb dumbbells with my right......  but I am DOING it!

 Biceps hurt a lot to lift with my arm still injured, but again, I lighten up more than I would normally and I make it through.  This one took me a long time yesterday. I was taking my full 45-60 second breaks between my sets to make sure I was giving my arm time to rest. I feel good today, though!

Leg day. Eternally my favorite. There is something that changed when I started running - I grew muscles in places in my legs that I didn't know muscles were supposed to exist! I remember finding one bulge in a place I'd never seen and asking my husband if it looked swollen. "No, honey, those are muscles!"   Huh. Interesting!    So basically, leg/calf day - ALWAYS my favorite. Starting next week, I will be adding a day of workout. You are supposed to add to what you lack, however I just want to do more leg work! 

So that brings me up through day 11.  Excited to power through the next few weeks and get to a place where I can legitimately add cardio (I snuck in a 5 min warmup - 1/2 mile - today!)  Proud of myself to keep it up, but definitely need to focus more on cleaning up my eating habits!

Pity Party for One Please!

Monday after tri/chest day, my arm felt AMAZING. 

Tuesday after bicep/back it was sore. 

Last night, it hurt so badly that it woke me up at 2:30am in stabbing throbbing pain. 

SO upset about how much it hurt.  Upside? I KILLED my leg workout today! 

Tonight I went to an injury clinic.  The doctor diagnosed me with --- dum dum duuuuuum....

a bruise. 

UUuuggghhhh....

Commence Pity Party: 

I feel like a total moron. But 10 days after my fall on ice, having pain that wakes me up at night scared me enough to send me to the doctor. Which I just don't do. I'm MOM. I don't have TIME for injury, but I also don't have time to irreparably break myself.   So I went.  And after the orthopedic surgeon on call at the clinic tested my arm in several ways, he determined that I have a bruise. 

"What do you do, work outside the home, stay home, part time?" 

"I stay home." 

"Are you involved in sports..?" 

"I lift weights and run."

Awkward silence. 

"I mean, I follow a training plan that is all lifting now." 

More awkward silence. 

I just feel stupid as a 32 year old stay at home mom saying "I follow a training plan."   Who am I to think I can do this?! How 

So tonight, I drink 2 whiskey sours and stew in my icks. 

Tomorrow, I spend the day with my baybees. 

Then Saturday, I kill it again at the gym. Since the doctor just said to be careful when lifting and ease into it.  Which I've been doing (hello, embarrassing 5lb weight lifting.)

I'm trying to be ok with how tonight went. Not to feel so stupid for going in for a bruise. Not to feel stupid for going to a clinic to get help. But it's going to take some time for me. 

A month off.

I am taking a month off. I'm not tracking food meticulously, I'm not working out daily.  I am still trying to get a balanced meal plan, but I'm not tracking calories really closely at all. 

January - it's on.  

But December - is about survival! 

So watch for January. Because I have been inspired. Balance, care and mental health are all high on my list for 2014. Here we go. 

Have you ever taken time "off" from the constant battle with your weight? How long did you take? Did it help in the long run? 

**I'm not arguing that what I'm doing is the healthiest, but it's what I need to make it through right now, mentally.**

Floating right along....

I feel like just when I get into the swing of things, something changes! I was doing well running then the stupid sun stopped rising!!! 

I'm still around! I'm getting more serious about my journey this month. It's my last month as a FitNut and I just want to do my team proud. Plus, I would love to get back down into the 150's. I'm at a high I haven't been at in a long time and let's face it, I'm not comfortable. 

So I'm adapting. Instead of running, I'm doing cardio at home by using the Wii!  I do Zumba Fitness and Just Dance (burns a SURPRISING amount of calories!). I've been doing the Biggest Loser game too, but I'm learning that I have to do the advanced levels in order to feel like it's worth my time. 

I had the worst time with Halloween candy last week! But I'm three days clean now :) 

I'm going to be looking back at the blog to figure out what the heck I used to snack on!!!  I'm having the WORST cravings tonight and I would love to be able to combat them!

Vacation, people!

Back from vacation!! I'll admit, vacation with two small kids isn't as relaxing as I'd hope, but the sun and sand was ahhhmazing!

It was, however, a LOT of indulging in food and alcohol!  I had my first (2) Moscow mules before we even left for the beach. 

Then we started with our "traditional" beach drink - Lime-a-ritas & Grand Marnier!

I did go for a run on Sunday morning. It was short-ish, just 3 miles, but the HUMIDITY! It was killer!!  I feel like I walked outside and started sweating! Decent time, though. 

We ate out a lot. I made decent decisions, for the most part. Especially after I ate Pizza Hut on Monday night. I won't even tell you how MUCH Pizza Hut I ate, because it was disgusting. Let's just say I ate enough that I laid in bed that night trying to figure out if it would be ok to make myself get sick just to get it OUT of my body!  After that night, I pledged to make wiser decisions. Not GREAT but I definitely didn't make that mistake again! Lots of fish and grilled chicken for the rest of the week.

Thursday I went out for a long run - 10 miles! It was a few rough first miles - I bartered with myself a lot. 

"Make it to two miles, then I'll turn around - giving me 4 miles" 

"Ok ok, go for 2.5"  

"if you can run 3, you might as well run 3.5" 

"well heck if you are feeling good enough to hit 3.5, you should definitely be able to make 4.5" 

And so on. I made it 5 miles out and turned around, coming back 5 miles. Not GREAT time, but I'm happy with it. 

I came home and weighed in that night (dumb move) at 168. The next morning, after lots of water, I was down to 164. My final September weigh in was 162.5. A GAIN again!! 

This definitely motivated me for a sprint!! 

I have a half marathon on Sunday so this week I am just trying to eat clean to get myself FEELING good when I run. It's been a ROUGH go the last few times. I can tell as soon as I start running when I haven't been fueling my body properly. I feel out of breath. Bulky. Clumsy. Slow. 

This week starts no caffeine/no alcohol. I am attempting to eat clean, at least 75% of the time.  So far so good. I turned to a run yesterday during stress (that run is in the next blog post!) instead of all.the.food. I am looking FORWARD to my run in the am, if only I can sleep through the night!

Tomorrow starts my next FitNut monthly challenge. I changed teams this time, to mix it up a little.  The physical challenge this month is burpees/planks/pushups. It should be interesting! I plan on doing a plank to fatigue tomorrow, then again at the end of the month to see how much progress I've made. 

And here's to the Fastest, Flattest half marathon this weekend!

Seriously?

So my minor ouchie from last Saturday? NOT so minor. I am still hurting.  In fact, the pain is spreading. It's not worse by any means, but definitely spreading.  It started in my ankle. Then it moved to my calf. Migrated to the back of my knee (today I noticed a definitely swollen lump behind my knee). The height of the pain was Friday am - I went to sit down and go through some paperwork, leaned back and it felt like my whole quad flipped itself over, from my knee up to my hip. It was HORRENDOUS. Since then, my quad, the outside of my knee and my calf have been in pain.

Our camp site

I went to see my doctor (family medicine) on Friday, thinking he could help me if I did something serious. He gave me some muscle strengthening exercises and told me it should feel better in 3-4 days. Seriously? I'm fairly certain, as a runner, I don't need to strengthen my quads. And if it would heal in 3-4 days, why does it still hurt 8 days after I injured it???

So I may have to suck it up an go see an orthopedic doctor or a sports med doc.  I just know I can't go on like this. I'm so depressed when I can't work out! For me, this translates into eating ONE OF  EVERYTHING (sometimes 2-3 of everything)!

It doesn't hurt enough that I can't walk. My family went camping this weekend and we toured Meramec Caverns. It was a 1 1/4 mile walk through Missouri's largest public cavern. It was awesome to see what nature has done under there!  There were moments (52 steps up to the "wine room" formations!) that hurt but by and large it was an awesome adventure!  I did walk 13101 steps yesterday! However, for as much as I ate - that probably didn't offset much!

I've been trying to evaluate why I've felt so "blue" the last week - I really do think it's because I haven't been working out! It's been awhile since I haven't done *anything* as far as working out for more than a week at a time.

Camping staple...

Date night dinner... 

And of course, someone who's feeling this way (or ME when *I* feel this way) only wants comfort food. I haven't been motivated to cook anything or go anything good for myself.

Birthday treats at work... 

This MUST end.  I am going in the wrong direction. I was feeling great, FINALLY finding a routine that was working for me - and now this injury has set me back again!  Is this just what getting healthy entails?! Two steps forward and one step backward??

This week, I made a deal with a friend (Yes, Stacy, I'm putting this in writing!) that starting Monday we were going to do what we need to do to get healthy. Fixing our eating, start working out again, whatever that may be. For me, this week needs to involve a clean meal plan, lots and lots of water and hopefully some swimming to get myself at least MOVING.

Accountability (AKA What I Need)

I need to get my butt in gear. Seriously people, I weighed in at 160 this week. NOT a pretty sight. I am going to make this a priority now.

New Rules

• Bedtime will be 9pm on Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday. 
• Alcohol will be two nights a week (it's been getting a little out of hand! Definitely part of the lbs being packed on!)
• If I miss a day of working out, I WILL NOT throw in the towel 
• Same as above, if I don't keep a PERFECTLY clean day, I will NOT take comfort in the candy dish. 
• Goal: 15,000 steps/day. If it means I march around my house for an hour before bed, so be it. 

Monday: Circuit & Kickboxing

Tuesday: Insanity AM

Wednesday: Insanity AM

Thursday: Insanity AM or during the day

Friday: Off

Saturday: Run

Sunday: Insanity

My reality check for the day: 

June 9, 2013

Heck, forget a year ago. Here's a few WEEKS ago:

So it'll take me longer, since I'm working now. 

Scheduling will be critical to my success. Working only 20 hours a week seems like I should be able to work out before or after work without getting in the way, but I am NOT a morning person so going to the gym before 8 is probably a no-go.  I tried leaving work at 2pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but I CAN'T do it. I have a problem leaving work in the middle of a project. And around 2pm? I seem to ALWAYS be in the middle of something! 

So I will set an alarm. Maybe 2.

I WILL get up those mornings at 4:30 and do Insanity. 

I WILL get back to clean eating so that I can stop feeling like gross trash. 

I can't keep being surrounded by people who are rocking it without doing my fair share of rocking. So here goes. I miss being one of the rock stars. It's time to ditch the lazy attitude I've had and the bad eating habits. It's time to feel GOOD again and I am the ONLY person who can make that happen.  

I know I CAN do it. I just need to get up and go to actually ACCOMPLISH it. And I will. I've lost 30+ lbs in the last 2 years. Staying at goal weight has been the hardest part of the whole journey!

So here's to goals. And dreams. And being healthy. And teaching my KIDS about healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle!

Love/Hate

If it's not been obvious in the past, I have a love/hate relationship with running. 

I love how I feel after a long run - accomplished, fit, energized.  I love how it has made me stronger. I love how I lose weight from my hips, where I could never lose it any other way before I started running. 

But I hate running too. I hate how I feel DURING a run. I hate the self-conscious feeling I get about my "form."  I hate living in a neighborhood I can't run through, causing me to have to drive somewhere just to put on my shoes and run for a distance. 

I am a member of a Facebook group with a bunch of women who are rock stars. No, serious rock stars. Some have lost 50+ lbs, some have just started working out but are kicking butt. Some are pregnant and still doing full CrossFit workouts!  Same love/hate. I LOVE the motivation & inspiration. I hate myself for not getting up and doing more, for making excuses and for not making my health a priority.

As some of the girls are starting to use running as their cardio workout, I'm remembering the highs I used to have. The first time I ran 20 minutes without walking. The first time I ran 5, 6, 8 miles. My first half marathon.  I remember the achievement, the feeling of accomplishment, the feeling of pride. 

These are the things I need to keep me going. No pant size or body fat percentage is going to keep me motivated. Food tastes better, regardless of how many times I read the "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" crap on Pinterest. Because guess what? Food.Tastes.Good.  Good food AND bad food, it tastes GOOD.  

I need these stories of accomplishment.

 It even helps me to read back through my OWN blog and remember how amazing it feels to finish a long run, to eat clean for 3 months straight (oh my gosh my body is DYING for healthy food!) and to feel GOOD about myself. 

And I need to get back to a place where I am making time, carving out a particular time for me to work out. I haven't worked out when that will be yet. I am NOT a morning person, but I am willing to attempt to get up early enough to go to the gym before work. It's worth a try to get back to where I was, where I want to be again!

Apparently I have all the drive in the world - but no get up and GO!

How do you, especially moms (both SAHM, working & everything in between) prioritize your health with your family in mind?

Action Plan.

Sooooooo I've been MIA. I don't deny any of it. I just haven't nailed down how to balance everything.  I had a minor back injury a few weeks ago (from circuit, spinning or kickboxing, with cramming it all into two days a week, I just can't tell what causes pain anymore!) so I haven't been to the gym in two weeks. I can feel it. I can tell I haven't been working out and I can feel all the work I've done to get here over the last 2 years slowly slipping away. 

But it ends this week. 

I am starting the Insanity workouts. I plan to do the fit test tomorrow at some point, then start the Insanity calendar. I feel like yukky slob and while I am not gaining weight, I am DEFINITELY losing muscle. I will not be shocked if my body fat percentage sky rockets this month!

I loved kickboxing, truly, but it just doesn't fit well into my schedule. I am missing out on awesome time with my family taking up 2 evenings a week to go. I will be trying to fit in Insanity in the mornings before work and hopefully in the evenings when necessary.

I am heading out of town next weekend to meet my best friend's baby (YAY!) and while I'm away I am going to get the opportunity to work out with Callista. I am super psyched to get some tips from her on how to get back into the swing of working out. Mom of three, lawyer and training for a figure competition. 

I'm in such a rut. And I'm just digging myself in deeper.

 Not working out ð eat poorly ð feel like crap ð avoid working out even more ð etc

I am fed up. I am sick of feeling gross. This week, it's ending. I will sacrifice sleep or whatever I need to get this done. I haven't had my body fat percent checked, obviously, but I'm sure it's higher than it has been. I haven't necessarily gained weight but I can tell my clothes are fitting differently. And that is just NOT acceptable to me. Food is going to get cleaned up. I am hoping to regain my focus and get my family back to a healthy clean eating place! 

My action plan: 

• Water - 100 oz / day
• Workouts - Insanity (plus anytime I can get to the gym, a good workout). 
• "Long" run weekly. Hoping for the afternoons I am off work with the baby in the jogging stroller.
• Meal planning - I need to get back to having a plan and not falling back on mac'n'cheese and hot dogs for dinner for my family!! Lots of veggies, lots of healthy foods and cutting out all the sugar again.

Here's to new re-beginnings-again. I fell off the wagon, but I'm going to chase it back down and jump right back on it. We all take time away from our "plans" now and again, but the important part is getting back to the plan. 

2013: Clean Eating

After the beach, hubby and I agree we've just kind of given up. We've been eating and drinking whatever we please, not focusing on the goals we had for ourselves and letting ourselves get to a bad place. 

It all ends tomorrow! 

After doing a lot of research and having a few friends who have moved to a clean eating lifestyle, we've decided to give it a try.  I can't buy into just throwing away everything in my current pantry, so we will be working through that (mostly pasta, white flour, etc) by mixing it into the "new" stuff. 

I spent the better part of 2 days pouring over Clean Eating Magazine, He and She Eat Clean, The Gracious Pantry and random Pinterest sites. I found meal plans, different "rules" at every site and all kinds of different recipes. 

Saturday my family and I set out to shop for our new clean lifestyle. We started at Trader Joe's. 

I picked up: 

whole wheat pizza dough (for the ham & cheese turnovers)

whole wheat pasta (fusilli and penne) 

chicken sausages 

California Protein bread

whole wheat mini pitas

quinoa

Israeli cous cous

fennel bulbs

raw cashews

raw sunflower seeds

frozen mixed berries x 3

frozen tuna steaks

brown jasmine rice

Ak Mak crackers

17 bean soup mix 

By the end of my TJ's trip, I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed. Reading labels, trying to remember all the "rules" I read.... 

Then we headed straight to Whole Foods. There I picked up: 

Kefir (although I found it MUCH cheaper and the same brand at Aldi today!)

Sprouted grain hamburger buns

English muffins

Unsweetened coconut flakes

Wasa Rye Crisps

After those two stores, I was WIPED OUT! I was frazzled and overwhelmed at the thought of what I was supposed to be doing.  

I came home, regrouped and updated my grocery list. Today, with fresh eyes, I headed to Aldi to find the remainder of my list. 

We picked up: 

blackberries

strawberries

zucchini

frozen corn

turkey breasts (we will be smoking these tomorrow and using it instead of lunchmeat from now on)

celery

clementines

Kefir

cottage cheese

feta

parmesan cheese

ground chicken breasts

sirloin steaks

grapes

grapefruit

red onions

stoplight peppers

(highlighted foods I would love to ease out of our diets in the next few months!)

SO after spending a small fortune on groceries, I sat down to meal plan the next two weeks.  The biggest challenge for me is going to be, hands down, eating 5-6 times a day. I am the queen of waking up, having some coffee, heading to the gym for my 2hrs of workout, having lunch, snacking through the day and then everything goes downhill from there! 

I spent close to 2 hours today looking at meal plans and plotting out every bite I will take for the next two weeks.  I'm sure I will make some tweaks here and there, but this is my blueprint! 

This will definitely be an adventure for us. I am not FORCING this on my kids, although to a degree they will follow it because I cook. :-)  My hubby, though, is on board. Both of us are sick of feeling "gross" and ready to be the healthiest parents we can be!

I will be quitting processed sugar, but allowing fruit and allowing natural sugars as well (honey, molasses) in moderation. I am trying to get to a place where we are eating 5 or less ingredients, but that will come. 

I met with the circuit class teacher that I LOVE a few weeks ago and worked out with her. I wanted her to evaluate what I do and what I can improve. Her suggestions to me were to do cardio for 30-60 minutes at least 5 days/week and to do 5 min of ab work every other day. I haven't started to implement that (we are SO out of routine with my husband home on vacation and my daughter not in school!) but it's my plan starting Thursday!

So here's my (anticipated) plan: 

Mon: Arm/back lifting routine, cardio plus class (30m), circuit class (45m)

Tues: Ab routine, Yoga (1hr,15m)

Wed: Leg lifting routine, cardio plus class (30m), circuit class (45m)

Thurs; Spin class (55m)

Fri: Off

Sat: Long run

Sun: Off

I registered for my third half marathon this week.  I will be running the Go! St. Louis half marathon the first weekend in April. Excited to be training again!! I am going to do it right this time - getting in my long runs come hell or high water!!  I am hoping that my clean eating will aid in my running and I will get faster. My goal time is between 2hr and 2hr15min. 

I will post soon with my updated stats. I can tell you I'm up - WAY up - in my weight. :( All the working out in the world couldn't counteract the food and booze I've ingested in the last three months. I've fully earned my new measurements, but don't worry about me - it's coming off and it'll come off FAST, I will see to it!

Starting over.

Starting the first week in January, I'll be back. I'm in a disappointing place right now, but I have big plans for myself & my family!

The holidays have been, in a word, indulgent. I have indulged in time with my family, activities we don't do all the time, and mostly, food & drink.

But there is no sense in holding on to the choices that have been made. I am going to head forward on a new journey! I am hoping to have a few friends guest post & share their amazing success stories. I am hoping you'll join me for this new chapter!!

I will start January with a new stats & game plan post. I still haven't worked the specifics out yet but I'll have it by then :)