November - Already?

Well look at that. The 11th month is already here.  I had high hopes for this year, including making it back to 150. 

However, over the course of a year, I have done some pretty amazing things.  I have run my 5th half marathon, my 4th 10K, completed a 12 week lifting program and done 1 full (and 2 half) Whole30s.  I have tested some new things to see what I can do to make myself better and healthier. I have dragged my family through most of it (they are great sports!)

So I am not where I want to be with my weight. And I honestly haven't had my body fat tested lately, although it's on my list of "Things to Do" next time I go to the gym.  But I feel like I have a greater understanding of my body, what makes it tick and what makes it sloth... 

I am in a fitness group that will start reading It Starts with Food as a group this week.  The plan is to do a GROUP Whole30 starting January 1, after reading the entire book.  I haven't committed to it yet, I just haven't decided if I am in the right place mentally. But the more I talk to people, the more I find myself saying "Oh, that wasn't a problem for me during my Whole30!" or "Whole30 fixed that in me!" and wonder why I wouldn't do another one?  It will have been 4 months since my last attempt and will probably be a great time to go for it.  I know Paleo is NOT for me as a lifestyle, but a good kick-start never hurt anyone. 

My weigh in on November 1 was a wakeup call (166). I'd been drowning myself in candy for a good week. I knew my October weight out was going to be HORRIBLE. Things can only go down from here.  So I recalled my first goal of the year - to fit into that Believe shirt. I still have time - my goal is to wear that shirt as much as possible starting the day after Thanksgiving. What does that mean? That means I have to clean up my food for the rest of November. I have to be spot-on with my working out and my water intake (I STINK at drinking water!! Coffee until it's time for wine, people!) 

I am definitely reevaluating the weight goal of 150 that I originally had for myself. I no longer think there is a magical scale number that will make me suddenly "healthy." Instead I am going for fitting in certain clothes and a body fat percentage as close to 22% as I can get.  I think I've mentioned this before, but the lowest I've ever gotten my BF% was during the clean eating phase we did last year. We still eat pretty closely to that, although I have never found a whole wheat or rice pasta that tasted worth eating so we still eat white pasta.  But I have homemade spices and sauces now for a long time and will continue to do so.  

So sorry for the rambling post. Nothing earth shattering today, just trying to get all of my thoughts out on what the last 10 months has brought me - almost right back to where I was at the start of the year...    

One week - Eek!!

OK. It's Monday. The half is Sunday!! I am already having half-related nightmares - yay....

I seriously dreamt I was running through some kind of Chinese import-export business and got lost! Then I tried to check in at the first station (you had to sign in!) and they were testing some new technology so I had to stand there and wait before I could sign in!!  When I finally got past that, I ran into a marching band (walking a half marathon with instruments). I was all set to be almost done and when I finally found someone actually running the race and asked how far we'd gone - they said 1.5 miles. *sigh*

So if my week continues like this, I will have some good stories come Sunday!

For now, I am just trying to make it through the week. Tomorrow I will do a SUPER slow 6 mile run. I need to mentally convince myself I have no where to be, nothing is stopping me from going slow and that SLOW will not injure my leg like sprinting seems to do!

Thursday I will hit yogalates at the gym and stretch myself all out. I am definitely planning to skip some of my more intense cardio classes this week. That pesky IT band doesn't need any encouragement this week! I was feeling pretty good after my run this weekend and I don't want to ruin anything!

I skipped a LONG run on Sunday because we were camping. The WHOLE campsite, all the way around both sections, was 1 mile. There was a hill on the site that climbing to get to the restroom from our campsite (which was about halfway down the hill) counted as FOUR flights of stairs on my FitBit. By the end of my run, I was at 34 flights climbed!! I only wound up running a 5k (32 minutes) but it was a definite challenge. Instead of pushing myself (potentially hurting myself!) I decided to shorten my run and do my longer run at home where the hills aren't quite as bad. :-)

So, less than a week to my fifth half marathon.  I am nervous, anxious and excited!

I DID IT!

I FINALLY finished the Jamie Eason plan!! (About 2 weeks ago, I've just been slacking on blogging :-) It was definitely an awesome plan!!!  It was intimidating to try things that I haven't done before (dead lifting and using the squat rack!) but it starts out easy (beginner level for sure) and works up.  I started spacing things out a bit at the end, the workouts got longer (1 1/2 hr and more) and I felt like I needed to take some days off to spend more time at home with my family.

I don't think I took before/after pictures, but I can DEFINITELY see an improvement! My favorite "result" - my TRICEP!  It's awesome now! :-)

So, I finished.  My running is in a weird place (I'm much more bulky than I used to be) so I will be spending the next few months focusing again on my cardio.  I am registered for the Halloween 10K and the Cowbell Half Marathon again in October and I am DEAD SET on PR'ing both of them!

Just proud to say I finished the whole program!!!

Crossroads.

I've been sitting here, staring at a blank screen for about a half an hour. I'm researching, reading and thinking through my next steps. 

I've completed a Whole30.  When it was over, I fell off the wagon.  No, I take that back, I swan dove off the sucker.  We left for vacation and never looked back.  I spent a month with little restriction (although I will say, we aren't usually very far from at least a "clean" eating plan) and gained back all of my weight, felt awful, etc. 

So I started another Whole30 (intending to do a "Whole14") last Friday.  Today is Day 5. I'm feeling good, but my anxiety is THROUGH THE ROOF. Not sure if it's W30 related or just life in general.  I had no headaches, I'm getting stuffy again (my whole family got horrible colds about week 2 last time), but I'm having no lightheadedness this time. 

But that brings me to my food today.  Eggs with bacon mixed in, avocado and coffee.  Lunch (was STARVING - had a 570 cal burn workout then took the kids swimming!) 1/2 spaghetti squash with homemade marinara & meatballs, salad with olives and Tessamae's balsamic dressing and a bowl of applesauce with cinnamon.  I made "ice cream" for my kids - frozen watermelon, coconut water and a touch of coconut milk for creaminess. (NOTE: THIS IS NOT WHOLE30 COMPLIANT, even if the ingredients are. It's SWYPO!)  I had some - you know why? Because I'm slowly realizing, I need to learn to live within my guidelines. Maybe finding an amazing delicious summer treat (that isn't "real" ice cream) will help me stop feeling "left out" of all the occasions that there is REAL ice cream.  

I was faced again with one of these situations at dinner. I went to get my co-op produce and left hubby and kids to make dinner. They put together a DELICIOUS chicken salad. My almost-6 year old made most of the salad herself - peeling carrots and shredding them, putting cheese on them and adding olives. When I walked in, she stopped me at the door and, with the saddest eyes ever, said "Mommy -- I accidentally put cheese on your salad."   Now I had two options - 1) try to pick all the shredded cheese off the salad to "preserve" my Whole30 (which would have broken my daughter's heart) or 2) Go with it knowing that I do NOT react to dairy (thank you, first Whole30). I chose #2. Because you know what, sometimes, food will have ingredients that I don't know about. Sometimes I will choose to eat "non compliant" food. Sometimes I will WANT to eat non compliant food. 

So I will continue to eat "Whole30" but I will use the remainder of my 2 weeks to keep my eyes open for opportunities for moderation.  Some accidental cheese, a paleo treat with my kids... 

I just can't continue the cycle I'm on - Whole30, junky eating, Whole30, etc. I don't believe it was intended to be used this way and I want to try to get to the root of my eating issues. I'm hoping to be more MENTALLY aware this time than I was last time. 

Sorry if a lot of this post is rambling - I really don't know where I stand or what my plan is going forward, but getting it "on paper" will really help me!

Final Stats from Whole30

I learned today that PEAS aren't allowed on Whole30. I truly had NO idea. So if you're looking to do one, don't eat peas!  

Aside from the whole "no peas" thing,  we finished a successful (as far as we knew) Whole30! 

Here are my stats ! 

 I've had more energy, I have successfully weaned myself from an antidepressant and I feel stronger. I didn't have the amazing results I've seen around the forums and Whole30 sites, but to be honest, I didn't have a ton of weight to lose to get to goal. I hoped to get closer to my goal weight, but I can't turn my nose up at a 6.5 lb loss in a month. 

I think I've said it here before, we won't be paleo after this - it's just not sustainable to us. Unless we find that someone in our family reacts poorly to something during reintroduction, we will return to "clean eating." My husband and I agree that this is an excellent "reboot" and we will try to complete 2 Whole30's per year. 

I won't even go so far as to say everyone should do this. It's NOT for everyone. But if you feel that you need a good body reset, if you feel like you have inflammation or AI issues, if you feel like you need CONTROL of it for awhile - this is for you.  I didn't hit my goal weight. I didn't even lose as much as I hoped, but I also am a lot closer to my goal than someone coming from a SAD (standard American diet) because of the small changes we've gradually made over the years. It's been hard for me not to compare my results to ALL THE OTHER people who have completed a Whole30. "Why didn't I lose that much?" "Why didn't I get the tiger blood feeling?"  But I can't do that. I am not them. They are not ME! 

I can only go so far as to be proud of my 6.5 lbs, my 1.1% body fat loss, the teeeensy tiny abs I see in my "after" pictures. The fact that I am off an antidepressant I've been on for as long as I can remember. That I don't NEEEEEEED coffee to get me moving in the morning (in fact, most mornings lately, I FORGET to make a cup until around 10am!) 

It's completely embarrassing to put these pictures out publicly, but I am proud of where I am now. I admit, the fact that there are baby abs pushing through in the bottom left picture is a little addicting and I want to keep moving in that direction.  We are a few days out now and I've been adding in "prohibited" foods - I feel them. I have been more bloated-feeling and I miss the feeling of thinning out. I am going to try to start making a conscious effort to get back to tracking macros (without such a RIDICULOUS number for my protein!) and go back to a "clean" approach - with whole grains and lots of starchy carbs instead of processed stuff. 

I've missed a few days of the Jamie Eason plan - and I'm ok with it. It was getting to be a LOT of time spent at the gym, when I really needed to be spending more with my kiddos (you know, the reason I left my job?).  So I'm spacing out the workouts a little more. I am going to complete day 61 tomorrow, which is the 5th day of week 9. Today is technically the 2nd day of week 10, so I am only 4 days behind. 

I am going to start adding some running into the mix too. I registered for the Halloween 10K (fourth year in a row!) and the Mo' Cowbell Half again for this fall, so I need to get my butt in gear! I registered my expected finish time for the half to be 2:15!! 6 min shorter than my last! So I have a lot to prove - if only to myself. 

So as always, I finished up one thing and I'm on to the next. We will revisit the Whole30 concept again, hopefully a few times a year. If NOTHING else, it's a good reminder that I DO possess will power. I CAN control my eating, I can accomplish what I set out to do. 

Week 4.... The Home Stretch

Week Four, almost done.  I can't believe we've almost finished the entire Whole30 we set out to complete! 

This post won't be our complete eating for the last week - I'm breaking it up since we went camping (CAMPING! During Whole30!! What about beer?! What about s'mores?!?) and I want to pull that out separately! 

I don't know if I ever actually explained why I am posting our meals. I have had so many people compare this to the Atkins diet - to "low carb" diets - wondering if we're hungry all the time (no snacking, remember??).  The answer is NO!! And this is NOTHING like the "low carb" fads that have been around.  We snacked a bit over the weekend while camping (just some fruit/nuts in the afternoon) and I give my kids an afternoon snack everyday, but hubby and I have not snacked for the most part of the 30 days.  We ate, and ate well! The food has been delicious. I've found a new way to spice taco meat (WITHOUT a packet!) and flavor combinations (PLEASE try sweet potato and bacon!! OMG and if you're daring, add PINEAPPLE.)

Day 22, Easter:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with green pepper & onion, 2 strips of bacon, sweet potato hash. Coffee with coconut milk.

Lunch: Applegate hot dogs, apple with almond butter, avocado and sugar snap peas.

Dinner: Steak (missing from the picture, I hadn't plated it yet!), ginger-lime shrimp, whipped sweet potatoes, curried cauliflower. For "dessert"** I made coconut milk whipped with cocoa powder and strawberries.  FAR cry from what Easter used to be in this house!

 ** Dessert breaks the Whole30 rules because it's considered SWYPO, but it was Easter and considering the things we ate last year (and every year before that) and the fact that my kids did not complain ONCE that there was no candy - we had us some dessert! 

Workout: Rest 

Total Time: 0

Total Calories Burned: 0

Day 23:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with homemade breakfast sausage, 2 cups super greens, 1/3 avocado. Coffee with coconut milk.

Lunch: Super greens, chicken breast, handful of green olives, 1/2 sweet potato with cinnamon, 8 strawberries. 

Dinner: Meatballs with homemade marinara, spaghetti squash and peas. 

Decaf coffee with coconut milk after dinner

Workout: Sick kiddo  

Total Time: 0

Total Calories Burned: 0

Day 24:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs, 1/2 avocado, whipped sweet potatoes with cinnamon. Coffee with coconut milk.

Lunch: Chicken breast, sliced carrots, zucchini & yellow squash & onions from kabobs, Cara cara orange. 

Dinner: Balsamic chicken thighs, homemade marinara, spaghetti squash and green beans. 

Decaf coffee with coconut milk after dinner

 

Workout: Jamie Eason LiveFit training day 57 - Quads & Calves

Total Time: 1 hr 20 min

Total Calories Burned: 568 cals

Felt good today. A great workout certainly helped it along! I'm counting the days until we're done now! We're going camping this weekend and it will certainly be a challenge to camp without s'mores, sandwiches and alcohol, but we're working on it!

Day 25:

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs, pineapple, some green pepper. Coffee with coconut milk. <-- I have a head cold and everything tasted weird this am.

PWO: Small chicken breast

Lunch: One whole HB egg, one HB egg white, 1/2 avocado in 3 lettuce wraps. Banana. 

Dinner: BBQ rubbed pork tenderloin, 1/2 sweet potato with cinnamon, roasted broccoli. 

Decaf coffee with coconut milk in the afternoon.

Workout: Jamie Eason LiveFit training day 58 - Arms/Back/Abs and Sprints

Total Time: 1 hr 41 min

Total Calories Burned: 675 cals

Workout today really made me feel strong. I don't know if I'm inching towards tiger blood or what, but it was just a good workout. I surprised myself with how hard I was able to push myself.  

Day 26:

Breakfast: 1 scrambled egg, 1/2 chicken apple sausage, banana. Coconut milk in coffee.

Lunch: Chicken breast, handful of olives, super greens, red grapes. 

Dinner: Jerk spiced salmon, peas, a hash mixture of sweet potatoes, pineapple and bacon. 

Workout: Rest

Total Time: 

Total Calories Burned: 

Good day. Counting the days to be done (4). 

Why?

I've gotten a lot of questions about why I'm doing this, "what are you hoping to achieve?" and "do you plan to eat like this FOREVER??" so I figured I would sit down and write a post about it. 

First of all, the easiest answer, is if I plan to live like this forever. No, absolutely not! And the writers of "It Starts with Food" and creators of the Whole30 concept do not intend anyone to eat like this forever either!  The Whole30 is merely a "reset" if you will.  It's a time to let your body heal itself with foods that will strengthen and enable it.  Then, at the end of the 30 days, we will go through a period of reintroduction.  One by one, we will add back in the foods that we have eliminated. If they make us feel gross, groggy and sick, guess what? We WILL eliminate them!  If we can successfully add things back, we will. :-)

Why I'm doing this and what I am hoping to achieve are much harder to answer.  This awesome list was written by Mel at The Clothes Make the Girl and a lot of them are great and valid reasons for doing a Whole30. All of the reasons are very awesome, very true and very convincing, but for me, this is something greater. 

If you've been reading this blog for any period of time, you know that I am very all-or-nothing. I quit sugar completely, I ate protein completely, I train completely.  I am a goal oriented person for sure. If I don't have an "achievable" at the end, well, it's just not for me.   I count calories, I track body fat percentage, I weigh in weekly, if not daily. 

I don't talk about it much now,  my sophomore year I went through a really emotional time and, through some counseling, was advised that all of my "quirks" were really a form of OCD.  It was a shock and yet relief knowing that I wasn't necessarily to blame for my "crazy."  It was a situation I would never like to visit again, but I am thankful for the opportunity to gain that insight.   Now I was aware - the NEED to list things, to know schedules to minutia, to count calories - they were all driven by a real psychological need. 

I spent years dealing with the anxiety that came with the OCD and slowly all of the symptoms began to fade. However, I still have moments. Driving all the way to work only to wonder if I turned off the coffee pot - turning around and going home because I couldn't focus until I KNEW it was off.  Waking in the middle of the night to list out the things I needed to accomplish the next day - and rewriting it the next morning if any little thing changed.  But biggest of all in my life now - counting calories. Tracking food. Weighing everything that goes in my mouth. Watching the scale, my measurements, my body fat percentage. 

This is the REAL reason I want need to do a Whole30. I've never known the freeing ability of not tracking food. I have going through periods in my life where I stopped tracking, but the side effect was gaining weight because during those non-tracking times, I was eating ALL.THE.THINGS. Then I would begin to gain weight and then the anxiety would start.  It seemed as though there was no "right" choice - track and be obsessive or completely ignore it and have anxiety. 

When I read "It Starts with Food," things slowly began to come into focus.  The most daunting challenge for me (despite saying it was no wine or no half and half in my coffee) was letting go and the psychological side of a Whole30.  No weighing myself, no counting calories, no body fat, no measurements. What I read was "no control." For THIRTY days.  It made me ITCHY to think I wouldn't be weighing my food and logging it in MFP.  And yet, it seems like the best of both of the things I wanted - staying within a healthy weight while not tracking a SINGLE MORSEL. 

Every morning it's a fight for me to walk by the scale and not just take a peek.  "So who cares if you cheat?"  Well, I'm a rule follower. And I trust processes that other people have set out for me. Millions of people have completed a Whole30 and I would imagine that the creators did some research before publishing it. They aren't cruel, they aren't trying to make people miserable. They are aware. They know that there are ebbs and flows in the process. One whole section of the timeline says your pants WILL FIT TIGHTER. How?! Because it's PART of the PROCESS. They are the professionals and I will trust the process. 

But that's not to say I won't be happily reintroducing foods when Day 31 arrives! 

So those are the big questions I've gotten. Many people have asked other things and maybe someday I'll catalogue those too, but these were the big ones. These are the ones that make me think and really evaluate WHY we're doing this.  

I'm on Day 12 now, the part where the psychological TRULY comes into play during this 30 days (according to the timeline, at least!).  I wanted chocolate so desperately yesterday. Instead, I drank water and worked it out at the gym.  I am bigger than the cravings and I know that now. A few short weeks ago I would have said "Just one piece" which would have led to two and three and four. 

It's surprising to me how a process I saw as "losing control" has actually given me all of the control. 

Whole30 Eve

Tomorrow is the day.  We are starting Whole30 tomorrow morning. 

After church, we are heading to Costco to pick up a few last minute items - eggs, pork tenderloins, a few more veggies. 

Mentally, I'm ready.  I'm bracing myself for the detox this week. I plan to write down my thoughts as the weeks go on and will post them here as a check in. Tomorrow I will be taking measurements and pictures, weighing myself for the last time (my husband said he is throwing away my scale! Yikes!)  and generally mourning what I used to be.

And having a big ole celebration for what we will become! 

While I am excited to try recipes from Well Fed and Well Fed 2, I think this first week, we'll be doing a lot of the "hot plates" instead of full blown meals. Cooking up a lot of ground beef and chicken breasts, "steam sautéing" veggies then mixing and matching for the week. 

So while the list of things that I will miss is long --

• wine
• half and half
• cheese
• rice
• tortillas
• baked potatoes

-- the list of  benefits (health and beyond!!!)  FAR outweighs all of those things combined. 

I absolutely am excited for this.  I can't believe we're doing it  - all of us, even my kids!  Although I know my daughter has a birthday party next weekend. How do I control what she eats at a sleepover?  I mean, I can't. Part of the reason I want to do this is to see if getting her away from dairy to see if it helps her allergies - but going to a sleepover where I am about 90% certain they will serve pizza for dinner and cereal for breakfast?  How do I even influence this?   

This month will be a lot of navigation for us. Leading my son away from his breakfast cereals, my daughter away from cheese & crackers in her school lunch....  I just don't know how it's all going to go!!  Daily navigation. DAILY. 

For now, I will be having the rest of my wine tonight and starting fresh tomorrow. 

Whole30 here we come.

Pity Party for One Please!

Monday after tri/chest day, my arm felt AMAZING. 

Tuesday after bicep/back it was sore. 

Last night, it hurt so badly that it woke me up at 2:30am in stabbing throbbing pain. 

SO upset about how much it hurt.  Upside? I KILLED my leg workout today! 

Tonight I went to an injury clinic.  The doctor diagnosed me with --- dum dum duuuuuum....

a bruise. 

UUuuggghhhh....

Commence Pity Party: 

I feel like a total moron. But 10 days after my fall on ice, having pain that wakes me up at night scared me enough to send me to the doctor. Which I just don't do. I'm MOM. I don't have TIME for injury, but I also don't have time to irreparably break myself.   So I went.  And after the orthopedic surgeon on call at the clinic tested my arm in several ways, he determined that I have a bruise. 

"What do you do, work outside the home, stay home, part time?" 

"I stay home." 

"Are you involved in sports..?" 

"I lift weights and run."

Awkward silence. 

"I mean, I follow a training plan that is all lifting now." 

More awkward silence. 

I just feel stupid as a 32 year old stay at home mom saying "I follow a training plan."   Who am I to think I can do this?! How 

So tonight, I drink 2 whiskey sours and stew in my icks. 

Tomorrow, I spend the day with my baybees. 

Then Saturday, I kill it again at the gym. Since the doctor just said to be careful when lifting and ease into it.  Which I've been doing (hello, embarrassing 5lb weight lifting.)

I'm trying to be ok with how tonight went. Not to feel so stupid for going in for a bruise. Not to feel stupid for going to a clinic to get help. But it's going to take some time for me. 

Protein Crazy!

So I've tried to focus on my macros more this week. I'm still at 166 with no movement, so I'm hoping if I start to actually focus on the the specific nutrients, maybe I can get the scale moving!

Here are my macro calculations according to my weight and loss goals: 
As you can see, my protein is astronomical. At least, for someone who barely ever breaks 100g of protein a day - see evidence A below, my protein intake for the last 90 days!

Evidence A

I have no earthly clue how to git fit this much protein into my day.  Today was the closest I've come, obviously according to the chart above - and I really feel like I CANNOT eat like this daily

Today, I had:

• 1 cup greek yogurt with flax and honey
• Tuna salad with 2 egg whites in it
• Smoothie with 2 scoops of protein powder
• 10oz of Salsa chicken
• 6 oz greek yogurt, 1 scoop protein powder, flax 

I hit 190 g of protein. Of course, when I work out MyFitnessPal adjusts my totals so my goal is 246 for today - how is this POSSIBLE without eating an entire cow?!? Seriously, I feel like I ate a ton at dinner - 10oz of chicken!! - and it didn't get me close! 

I won't lie - where is says "REPEAT" at the bottom?
I actually told the screen to eff off. 

Anyhow, I am feeling more and more fit again, which is making my heart happy. I love being back at the gym but I'm also finding ways to work out from home and incorporate my kiddos.  I found an awesome HIIT workout on Pinterest that I did yesterday at home. 



My little guy is home with me during hte day and so he did this workout "with" me.  Although during the squats (about 30 in) he said "Mama, this hurts my bones!!"    He lasted until about the first pushup, then he went about playing around the room while I finished up :-) 

Tonight, I did this awesome treadmill workout. I had to adjust the speeds down by about .5 after awhile, but I was able to keep with it until 44 minutes!

So here's to a good final weigh in. I won't be able to join my FitNuts next month but I'm hoping to keep the momentum going on my own, while staying in touch with the main page!

Spinning tomorrow!! Excited to see the results from the HRM when I take the class!

August Challenge!!

I'm a day late, of course, because isn't that my style? :-) 

So my August challenge started, duh, August 1. 

July challenge results: I lost a lb from July 1. 

But since I was injured I will take it. 

BUT - August? August is MY month.  My official weigh IN weight was 156.5. LOW for me lately, but I am really ready to kick it into gear. I have another awesome partner (my friend Stacy) who has already motivated my butt to get moving this month! 

I am making it a goal to run several times a week - I am going to be running the Halloween 10K again (third year in a row!) with my friend Courtney and I am PSYCHED! I also signed me and my hubby up for the Color Run in St Louis coming up. And kids 5 and under run free - so both of my kids are coming with us! They will be SO psyched :-)  Not running it, obviously, but it will still be an awesome family time for us.

I'm excited that we're camping more often. I can usually max out at 10K or more steps on camping trips, even just walking to and from the bathroom with my kiddos. I'm sure I cancel that out with the amount of beer I drink when we camp, but I still think it counts for something.

This week:

I ran 2.25 miles on Thursday. (11:25 pace)

I ran 1 mile today (10:28 pace)

Here's to speeding my pace up this month. 

Here's to losing the last few pounds that are hanging around  (I'm 156.5 this am; would like to get to 153!)

Here's to cleaning up my eating - not necessarily to completely "clean" eating, but to eating what is good for me. Eating what I know fuels my body, not necessarily what tastes good. 

Pinterest!

So here goes nothing! I am ready, dedicated and super busy this month. Plus my BABY starts KDG in 10 days. TEN DAYS I will have a kid in elementary school. It blows my mind how fast time is going. And all I really want is to be healthy for my family. I always tell them they are stuck with me forever and I want to make good on that one! 

Accountability (AKA What I Need)

I need to get my butt in gear. Seriously people, I weighed in at 160 this week. NOT a pretty sight. I am going to make this a priority now.

New Rules

• Bedtime will be 9pm on Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday. 
• Alcohol will be two nights a week (it's been getting a little out of hand! Definitely part of the lbs being packed on!)
• If I miss a day of working out, I WILL NOT throw in the towel 
• Same as above, if I don't keep a PERFECTLY clean day, I will NOT take comfort in the candy dish. 
• Goal: 15,000 steps/day. If it means I march around my house for an hour before bed, so be it. 

Monday: Circuit & Kickboxing

Tuesday: Insanity AM

Wednesday: Insanity AM

Thursday: Insanity AM or during the day

Friday: Off

Saturday: Run

Sunday: Insanity

My reality check for the day: 

June 9, 2013

Heck, forget a year ago. Here's a few WEEKS ago:

So it'll take me longer, since I'm working now. 

Scheduling will be critical to my success. Working only 20 hours a week seems like I should be able to work out before or after work without getting in the way, but I am NOT a morning person so going to the gym before 8 is probably a no-go.  I tried leaving work at 2pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but I CAN'T do it. I have a problem leaving work in the middle of a project. And around 2pm? I seem to ALWAYS be in the middle of something! 

So I will set an alarm. Maybe 2.

I WILL get up those mornings at 4:30 and do Insanity. 

I WILL get back to clean eating so that I can stop feeling like gross trash. 

I can't keep being surrounded by people who are rocking it without doing my fair share of rocking. So here goes. I miss being one of the rock stars. It's time to ditch the lazy attitude I've had and the bad eating habits. It's time to feel GOOD again and I am the ONLY person who can make that happen.  

I know I CAN do it. I just need to get up and go to actually ACCOMPLISH it. And I will. I've lost 30+ lbs in the last 2 years. Staying at goal weight has been the hardest part of the whole journey!

So here's to goals. And dreams. And being healthy. And teaching my KIDS about healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle!

Go! St. Louis Half Marathon, Done!

Beautiful am in the STL

Aaaannnnd, it's over.

Thankfully.  

Today was hands down the HARDEST race I've ever run. Both physically and mentally, I was exhausted. 

I feel like it was uphill almost the whole way (even if it wasn't). But when you look at the elevation map, it is pretty exhausting. They called miles 6-8 "Holy Hill" and it was a race-within-a-race, with it's own separate time. However, I still feel like mile 2.5-4 was all hill and so was 10-11 and a few little ones from 11.5-13!! 

I KNOW I start off too fast and lose steam, so I was trying to rein it in. But I always get so caught up in the excitement and the people that I just go with the flow. Even if the "flow" is 9:28 min/mile! Oops. I felt really good from miles 1-4, but started slowing, as you can see, around mile 5.  Obviously "Holy Hill" was a slow time for me, but miles 9-12 were just bbboooorrrriinnng. No spectators, no music, no FUN!

Another issue? I bob and weave. I remembered (after the race) that I did it last time. I remember being frustrated around mile 8 that my RunKeeper was telling me I was hitting mile markers about .25 miles ahead of time. And again, by about mile 8 it was FRUSTRATING how far ahead it was! I finally tore my headphones out of my ears and swore I would get out of my own head for awhile. 

Mile 5. Awesome view of downtown

Then there was just silence. The Rock'n'Roll half last October had entertainment and tons of spectators. There wasn't a mile without something to pay attention to, but this one? Silent. Lots of focused runners, which is GOOD but not motivating whatsoever!

As you can see, the splits were weird. I am used to a 5K and 10K split, but I guess since they did the "Holy Hill" race within the race, they did miles 6 and 11 instead.  My Holy Hill time (so 2 miles) was 21:58, so I was slowing down a TON on that stretch. My 11 mile time wasn't terrible, if I had any steam left at all to keep going. 

I was literally staring at the finish line - walking. I could SEE it down the road and I still couldn't bring myself to sprint, at times even to run.  

You see, I put SO MUCH pressure on myself to PR in this race. Not just PR but knock 10-15 minutes off of my time! With the amount I have been (or haven't been, as it were) running, that was ridiculous to think in the first place. But I kept thinking "I said it on my blog, I have to PR!"   Then a spectator helped me out....

I wore one of my favorite running shirts. It says "I RUN FOR  ME" As I was rounding mile 9, a spectator yelled "I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!"  And I remembered. I run for ME. I RUN for ME. I don't run to impress my kids or my husband.  I don't run for you guys (no offense).  I don't run for money or fame or notoriety. I run for ME. For my health and for my sanity. For the thrill and for the relaxation (sometimes!)

So the pressure? It was from me. The stress? From me. Who would I be letting down if I didn't PR? Myself.   Part of me, at that realization, let go. I didn't need to kill myself to finish the race. I didn't need to push to impress anyone. Looking back, I get a little sad that it was so easy to let myself down, but it is was it is now, right? 

The 2:15 pace runner was passing me at mile 11. Mile 11!! Actually closer to 11.5 because I crossed the 12 mile mark with him. He was yelling at anyone walking "YOU CAN DO ANYTHING FOR 1 MILE!" But I just couldn't even push myself that last mile.  He saw me after I finished and came over and said "What a strong finish!" but I didn't notice because I also had two medics rushing me asking if I was ok... Guess I didn't look so fresh after my 13.1 ;-) 

I walked through and got a TON of food (I always accept everything because I know I have two small scavengers that will eat anything I let them!), hobbled as far as I could before sitting on the curb and waiting for my family to find me. I snapped this picture just so I had some proof I survived. With my bling. I do love me some bling! And yes, that is a cookie ice cream sandwich. 

Best.post-race food.EVER. 

So, yes. I made it. I finished.

I did PR, only by 3 minutes. My official time was 2:21:01. My RnR time from October was 2:24:06. Since I "gave up" around mile 9, I was surprised to PR at all. Even though I did, it still feels like an epic failure. Overall just a depressing run. I almost walked off the course around mile 8, I actually had a few thoughts that this was my last half, that I am just not made for this mileage. 

But I won't give up. Mostly because I RUN FOR ME.  So why not continue and keep bettering myself? 

Besides, this was only #5 in #13in2013!!  I have a long road to go this year! :-)

Less than 48 hours....

Until the Rock'n'Roll Half Marathon here in St. Louis!!

Not gonna lie, I'm a bit freaked out. The most I've run this training round is 8 miles, thanks to my dumb IT band and this silly cold that I can't seem to shake. 6.2 last weekend was ok, but there were moments that I wanted to quit. And this weekend, I have to go TWICE that distance?

I talked to a LOT of people (trainers, runners, atheletes, etc) about my IT band injury. One of them said "If you've run a half before, you're 80% of the way there. It's mostly mental - if you THINK you can do it and you KNOW you HAVE done it, you're almost there." I'm trying to keep that in mind.

I HAVE done this. 

I CAN finish. 

It WILL NOT kill me. 

I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to PR (which shouldn't be HARD) but ideally would love to get a time between 2:15 and 2:30.  I got a pace tattoo today at the expo for a 2:15 time. Then at least I can pace myself accordingly.

My race day plans:

1. Eat a slice of bread with PB as soon as I wake up. (NO aleve this time!)
2. Drink a 5hr Energy about 20 min before start. 
3. Honey Stinger 5 min before start. 
4. Sport beans about every half hour.
5. Nuun in my water bottles. Will stop for water, but not Gatorade or Gu. 
6. Don't die. 

Afterwards, we will go home, I will probably take a nice ice bath and a nap. Oh and have a GIANT CUP OF COFFEE!! I can't WAIT to have my coffee back! Not necessarily the caffeine but the comfort of it!

That evening we'll be going out to celebrate the big 3-1. :-)  Nothing scary about it, since my 30th year has turned out to be the best year of my life  - so far!

What makes you want to run a half marathon?

One of the trainers at the gym asks me this just about every time I take her circuit classes. (Actually, she usually asks what makes me want to run a MARATHON and it freaks me out every time!)

So today we were talking after class and she asked again, "What makes you want to run a (half) marathon?"

I've been thinking about this a lot.  I don't think running is terribly fun, especially in my current position of running outside with a jogging stroller (geesh is that thing heavy!). I am not seeing the weight loss results that I used to, so it's not the benefits that are keeping me going.  So, what did I tell her?

I told her the real reason I keep running.  I was never very good at team sports. I'm am a people-pleaser and team sports brought out my worst fears - letting people down. I am clumsy by nature and when there are 10+ pairs of eyes watching me, waiting for me to do good things for their team...  and I would almost ALWAYS mess up.

But running - running is a completely different game. My only opponent is ME. It's all about me beating MYSELF. It's about a PERSONAL record, not about breaking a world record.

I shaved 16 minutes off my 5K time from last July to this May. I am hoping to shave almost a half HOUR off of my half marathon time. I have seen that I can improve. Now I am trying to get to be the BEST me I can. I've never aspired to be the best at anything, and if we're being honest, I still don't. I will never run a half marathon in under 2 hours. I will never WIN a race but I am OK with that. Because I am ALWAYS improving me.

But this is all based on MY times. Not my friends, not my family. I set my pace. I set my own records.

So - what makes YOU want to run - around the block, a 5K, 10K, half marathon, full marathon??