I went to the Y this morning for my weekly Pilates class. Then I ran my fastest mile yet (9:59!) and lifted for about 10 minutes.
When I was done, I headed to the locker room to shower and noticed my reflection as I passed. For a brief moment, I wondered who it was.
Because even though THIS is what was in the mirror:
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THIS is what I still see:
So WHY. Why is it that I see myself 33+ lbs heavier? Why am I having such a hard time realizing that my body has changed? My pants size is down to a 10, I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn since shortly after my wedding. And yet, I still FEEL like the "fat kid" I used to be.
For anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight, how long does it take your mind to catch up with your body? How long before I realize I'm NOT the heavy person I used to be? How do I stop being scared that any dessert or fried food I put in my body will send me directly back to that 188lb place I just got away from?
I think I would feel so much better if I could fully appreciate what I've done, but I still look down and see that my thighs touch, my arms are flabby and I have rolls on my belly (and stretch marks, but I'm not worrying about those - those are my baby battle scars :-). In my head, I KNOW I'm doing well - 33lbs lost and I just ran a freaking half marathon!
So sorry for the intensely negative post. I'm really trying to be transparent and that's where I am right now. Now excuse me while I go eat an entire blueberry cake.
Funny you post this..I was just watching Dr. Oz (I think) the other day and he was talking about the exact same thing. Why do we see ourselves the same as we did BEFORE we lost weight? He said to get out of that mindset, keep doing something you couldn't do when you were heavier. You look awesome Nic! (Even though I have a lot more to go, I feel the same way...I don't feel like I LOOK smaller. (Yes I know the health benefits are there, but I want to LOOK it)
ReplyDeleteYou look fantastic! Seriously. Do people comment on how good you look? That's what's made me kind of embrace my smaller self. I haven't lost A POUND since I started running in December, but I'm down probably 2ish sizes. I know I've lost inches. And every time I turn around, someone is all OMG YOU'RE LITTLE. Ok, no I'm not little. But it's giving me a big head. ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep reminding yourself that YOU did this, nobody did it for you. Put your shoulders back, keep your chin up, and keep looking ahead, you're amazing momma and you deserve those skinny jeans!
I just saw this post Nic ---
ReplyDeletefirst - wow..you look amazing! amazing!!!
i think it takes time to change the thought of ourselves. i think this is just going to take time. one thing that might work is maybe buying an outfit or something that you would have NEVER worn at your heavier weight. maybe a 2 piece swim suit? skinny jeans...i don't know - just something you would not have considered at the heavier weight. and then wear it ... a lot!
i can't wait to see your skinny ass in cleveland soon!